1/08/2009

Me the missionary-- Some thoughts

Walking by faith and not by sight….
That is definitely a motto for the ministry here in Spain, and can turn into a struggle, as I have seen happening in my life in the last 2 years as a missionary.
Spain is a hard mission field. It is not wasted time though. I am a Spaniard; I was saved here in Spain, and surrender my live for the ministry while I was here in Spain. I would be going to hell if it wasn’t for the missionaries that invested their lives in me.
But, at times, now from the missionary point of view, sometimes it is hard to stay focus in the task before us.
I still don’t understand fully what a missionary wife goes through when moves to the mission field. I know the language; after all, Spanish is my first language. I know the culture, I don’t share it because I am a Christian and any culture is wicked in the sight of the Lord, but I know it and I understand it. I know that people are not yelling, they are just talking. They are not fighting, they just use their hands a lot when they talk. They are not rude, they have a sarcastic sense of humor (I do share that one J).
But I know what loneliness is, and you know I feel it because I have mentioned it in my last two posts (hehe). My family lives 5 hours away, a lot closer than before, but still far enough to not be able to see them more than once or twice a year and for a very short time. I don’t have friends here, and being a mom, I don’t have very many chances to meet new people.
I know rejection, for I see my husband going out every day, passing at least 1,000 invitations every week for our services (mailbox by mailbox) , and then visiting, doing what he can to show God’s love to them. And then Sunday come, and may not be anyone coming.
I know spiritual battles. I have seen the devil try to destroy my family in every way possible. I have felt a great evil presence while praying with someone unsaved for their souls. I have felt walls before me while sharing the gospel with someone (Daniella, do you remember Luz?). I have felt like I was throwing pebbles to a big stone wall while out on visitation. I have seen the devil messing with my mind, trying to convince me that it is not worth it, that my efforts don’t matter anyway.

Still I serve a great God that has allowed me to know spiritual victories. To lead people to the Lord. To hear them cry thanking God for taking them from the hand of the devil. I have seen prayers answer in great ways. I have seen God supplying every need. I have seen God healing hearts, marriages, spiritual lives. And although I am unworthy, He has allowed me to take a part in all those miracles.

To walk by faith and not by sight….. To keep my eyes in Jesus instead of circumstances. To remember it is not done by who I am but for who He is. Not for what I do but for what He has done. Not in my timing but in His perfect timing. Not giving the results that I want or expect but for His glory. Walking by faith and not by sight……


11 comments:

Aliene said...

Welcome aboard the KJV writing blog. I am Aliene and write every other Sunday. I check your blog often and look forward to your writing as a missionary. God bless you as you labor for the Lord.

Deborah said...

Thank you for such an honest post. I know it's not the same as having a friend close by, but I hope we can in a small way fill that gap for you, and also be an ancouragement to you.
Even though you know, one day, you'll SEE that it IS worth it all.

Stonefox (otherwise known as Heidi) said...

You know I'm right there with you on this, girl! Hang in there, like you said, it is walking by faith and not by sight. It is knowing that we are faithful to the One who redeemed us, and leaving everything in His hands on how He wants to use our lives. I am so glad to have met you and hearing your story is encouraging. Stay faithful!

Laura said...

Thanks for sharing your heart, Pilar, and for being real. I'm sure it is encouraging to other missionaries to read of similar struggles. You are in my prayers!

Aaron and Rachel Smith said...

Praying for you Pilar! May you get a special blessing today!

As far as my kids and the move: They are doing alright. They are excited about most things, but sad about leaving their school and friends. We are not sure yet what we are doing for school. Tuition is MUCH more expensive than what we pay now. We are looking further into homeschooling. It may have to wait until next year though. Alabama is really strict on homeschooling. You actually have to enroll your kids in a school and pay the school to keep all of your records. I don't know if we can get through all of the hoops in order to continue them right away in school. Financially it may be an issue as well. The cost of living is much higher than where we live now. Even our car insurance is 3 times as much a year. We may actually have to consider public school to finish this year. Abbie needs to be in school for reading. I don't think that she is where she should be. Anyway if we do have to finish this year in the local school, it will only be this year. I will do whatever it takes to get them enrolled in a Christian school or homeschooled next year.

Laura said...

Rachel, I looked on your blog to see if you had an e-mail address; but, I didn't see one listed. I am Pilar's husband's cousin. Pilar, I hope you don't mind me talking to Rachel here. Rachel, we live in Alabama and homeschool. I think you have misunderstood the laws here. Alabama is a great state for homeschooling! I would be happy to talk to you about it if you have any questions.

Pilar Stark said...

No problem Laura, I will send Rachel an email giving her yours.

Aaron and Rachel Smith said...

Thanks Laura. Please do help me out. I would appreciate it!! I sent you an email.

Cathryn said...

Hi Pilar,

I wanted to introduce myself. I've recently joined the KJV blog as a writer. I feel like I have been at your site before back when your parents or your husband's parents had come for a visit. I vaguely remember replying. The problem is if I don't bookmark a site I have been to then it can be lost "forever." I was delighted to find out that you ~ are you. :) Your family is absolutely beautiful. I looked at your pictures with my 20 yr old and we really enjoyed looking at your beautiful girls ~ I have three girls ~ much older ~ but I know the delightfulness of have three little girls running around. It is a blessing. Well, I just wanted to say hi and I'm glad I found your blog again. Blessings ~ Cathryn

Dani Joy said...

We relate to one another and reach out to encourage one another. That´s the blessings of the ministry that we have to hang on to! Along with walking by faith comes a rest and a peace that you are right where God wants you. Knowing that you aren´t going anywhere till He moves you. There is nothing I can do to change that so it helps so much to realize it claim it and rest in it. :) Thanks for sharing!

The Gerard Family said...

Pilar,
It sounds alot like Phoenix! Even though I do share my family here with me...I do understand the part of not having any friends and it being hard to meet new people. I haven't made friends here yet either. Sometimes Satan tells me that GA was a better place to live and at times makes me want to go back and give it all up! But, thank you for your honest words and encouragement. Even though we want to give up there is always a voice and strength inside of us pressing us to stay....one day we will see the rewards and victory.